Friday 3rd November § Leave a comment
I can’t ever remember feeling like this. It feels as if the cold snap hat has enveloped Leicester has swept through my mind, sweeping through my brain. I have no thoughts. If I want to philosophise about it , there must be part of me that is observing this emptyness of thought, in-order for me to know the state I’m in. Some part of me must be conscious enough to be writing this, but I can’t find it within myself.
I finished climbing, played a bit of ping-pong with Matt(oh, the memories; I’ve forgotten how to serve fast) and then. There was a half a pint in the Gatehouse Pub, a quater of which I downed in the hope that alcohol would . It hasn’t worked. I feel perfectly sober.
Which leads me perfectly to my new theory of drunkeness, as it relates to me. Tonight I drank a half, absolutely no effect whatsoever, but the same . The alchol just releases my pent up hyperness. If I’m depressed it would enhance my depression. If I’m not thinking, then it just makes me think more nothing. Therefore I shall try my best to drink, only when I’m at my happiest (as opposed to drinking to find happiness which never works).
After making my excuses, I walked for a bit. Talked blankly to Lizzie (one half of a couple of really georgeous girls) and then walked home. All without any form of thought. I never walk without thinking. I never don’t think It’s part of living. Beyond sobber maybe. I’ve reached the ultimate wu-wei of the Taoist doctrine which translates roughly as no-thought.
It’s not very enlightened. I just feel incredibly stupid. Like the reverse of the trolls in Terry Prachett books who can only think and operate below certain temperatures or else they turn to stone. The cold here has frozen all possible thought. All that remains is blankness, devoid of emotion, a husk, an empty shell. The closest thing I can think of is that feeling that you get at parties when you suddenly realise your completly sober when everyone else is truly wasted and you just sit ther for a while. No. Maybe just me then.
Here’s a photo of a (semi-complete) collage for my second project which is (in theory) based on rhythm.